Friday, April 13, 2012

Sugar and spice

Out of nowhere I heard from Carolyn earlier this week. So, of course we made plans to have dinner this weekend. She reached out to me via email and she wants to get together so I said yes. Maybe this is my chance to take some advice from VJ and make a stand. Thing is I'd about lost interest in Carolyn and I am actually thankful we kept some distance. Right now she is all about her troubles that have nothing to do with me. She has been screwed by her ex-husband, her family, and her job. And on top of that before we started spending time together her bf, Andy died from cancer. That was more than a year ago. She is so wounded.
Carolyn is also very attractive and she used to be fun. She would flirt with me and make me think I was a man who had something. But then as I got to know her better she has shut me down. I'm not sure if she looked at me different or I was just getting into a comfort zone that meant we didn't have that spark any more. Regardless the dynamic between us was changed. And not for the better. Although I was filling a need for her I started to feel like my needs were never being addressed. So I've been letting her go.
I would like to put these thoughts out there with her but I'm not sure I'm prepared for what commitment might be needed. She may have to move out of her house and I'm not sure I can make room in my life for that. I'm not sure I can put someones whole life under my roof.
And all these things are spinning around in my head. I know I shouldn't over think this but all I have is my thoughts. What is funny is it was almost exactly a year ago since I had my little thing with Doreen. She liked me enough to want to go to AC with me but I needed to go slower. Then she went with her ex-bf and I just blew her off after that. She just needed to have someone take care of her. She wanted a sugar daddy and I am never looking to be that.  

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