Trying this again for the second day. I really wanted to post since I've gotten a comment from Cindy. When I get feedback it always inspires me. But I am swamped at work and at home I have been avoiding the computer. And there is stuff to write about.
Late last week I made plans to get together with Carolyn for dinner or something, but I was unable to get in touch with her. I feel that may be my fault since I didn't try too hard to make it happen. I didn't reach out to confirm with her until the very last minute so of course she made herself unavailable by not answering or responding. This went on until Sunday when I sent an email asking if she even still had a working phone. She called and said she had been busy with kids. I'm fine with that and we have rescheduled tentatively, but I get the feeling I'll have to make it either happen or not. And I'm feeling so indifferent.
The reason is I once again feel the Lisa attraction. I know I shouldn't have hopes but I feel like she is about to gain her freedom from the bf and we are spending more and more time doing the things that I know we both enjoy. But I feel like I still need to maintain a safe distance. So I keep letting her come to me which she does. Sunday night I was prepping some left-overs for dinner when the phone rang and it was Lisa. she wanted to go to get dinner and would I like to come. So I threw the food I had in the trash and out the door I went. We met at a Sushi restaurant. We finished eating and we kept on talking long after the food had been cleared and the check paid. I kept expecting her to say it was time. It ended up me saying it. It was one of those odd moments where I felt like I never wanted the moment to end. She is so good at confusing me.
It would be so easy for me to just dive into crazy and do a full on seduction but when I've tried that before it's been disastrous. So I am trying to convince myself it's nothing and I need to make other plans. Bet I really don't have any. At least not now.
One of the things I have been finding myself do at work when ever someone asks me a question about a work project and I have yet to start it I will reply "I can't wait to get started". What this really means is "I have so many things on my plate I can't even see a day when this will ever get done". But if I say that I'll have managers and directors all up in my face about what I need to do. So that is my little joke to myself. I can't wait until my next blog.