Friday, Saturday and Sunday were good times with all different people. Mostly. Seems like my weekend are gone in a blur and suddenly here I am back in the office trying to assess what happened. I guess I can start with Friday.
For some strange reason Coleen wants to spend time with me and I have been avoiding it. I went down to see the music Friday and she had indicated to me she would be there. Then she texted me that she was in the bar and that I should come there. But I had some things to do first and never did make it there. When I go downtown the music was just getting started so I went straight there and saw Janet and Roberta right away. While it was nice to see them I'm just not feeling like I want to hang out with them so much any more. I get such a strange vibe now as if there is a wall gone up and I'm responsible for it. Which I know is true. The music was this really good Motown cover band and Roberta just loves to dance and so do I so before too long I was on the dance floor with her.
For some reason I wasn't really into it. My feet hurt and my back was sore and I really just wasn't feeling like I wanted to be there. Was it because I had hopes that Coleen would come down or maybe I just wanted to hear from Carolyn. It was mostly that. Lisa had also mentioned she wanted to come down but she called and said she was going to a wake. Whatever it was I was trying to forget all that and enjoy the moment when Janet was there dancing with us. Then this random guy came over and was dancing with Janet and I couldn't figure out who he was but Janet must know him. For some reason it bothered me.
It all goes back to what I suspect is this secret life Janet has that she wants no one to know about. Or at least she doesn't want me to know about. It's a big part of why I no longer feel comfortable around these girls any more. They don't want dates or boyfriends but they have their little hookups and I'm supposed to not notice or care. I just wanted out and I stayed and listened to the music and no one else showed up or called so I was looking for my first opportunity to get the hell out of there. Janet disappeared into the downtown bar (not the regular bar that I hang out in) and then Roberta also went in... in theory to use the bathroom, and i waited 5 or 10 minutes and when they didn't come back out I headed home without saying goodbye. I felt bad about that but I just was ready to go home.
I headed for the car and was home in time to see the end of the Met game. They won which was the best part of my night.
Saturday morning I made it into the gym for the first time in almost 2 weeks. I know I've got to do better if only so I can feel less self conscious when I take my shirt off on the boat. I called Carolyn and while I couldn't get her to come out on the boat we made a plan for Sunday. So then I spoke to Lisa and we made a plan to go sailing. Then Chris said her could go and Lisa had her sister Ellen come too. Turned out to be a good day although Lisa needed to be done early so she could go out to dinner with C. So they were gone and I made an okay dinner with Chris and looked forward to Sunday with Carolyn.
I wish I could say we have something going with Carolyn but it's still the same. I am fine with what we are. She needs me to be a friend and I have to put my needs away and be her friend. She's worth it. I am having one of my best boating summers ever and while Carolyn is not looking for anything more then that she does hint occasionally that she just needs time and her future is so unsettled it would be bad if I started to count on her for anything. She keeps talking about how once the fall rolls around she will need to move away. She does make me feel like I'm the man and even if there isn't the romance I feel more loved than anyone else in a long time.
We spent the day anchored and caught some fish. I have some pictures but for what ever reason I can't seem to get them to load from my camera to this. They may show up on another post.