Tuesday, August 23, 2011

What to do?

I don't know why I keep obsessing on things that I can't change. I knew this would happen to me even as I was experiencing it. I'm referring to Lisa. Ten days ago she came to my house and told me how she isn't getting along too well with Carmine. Even as she told me this I knew I there were bells and whistles going off in my head.

I've been thinking about this constantly ever since. I mean why would she need to come to my house to tell me about this. I'm of the opinion that Lisa is like a chess player and she always has three more moves she wants to make. Is she telling me because she needs a place to land or did she just want to unburden herself? If I had been more up front would she have slept with me?

Last Friday I saw Carolyn instead of her mostly because Carolyn called me first. I am so conflicted about that decision. Was Lisa there alone or was Carmine with her? Was she considering making a move towards me? Things I'm never going to know since I haven't spoken to Lisa since. I've also not really talked to Carolyn since that night. Maybe I've been playing one off the other and neither one is responding to that. Being as I'm on a tight budget for the next week I can't really call and see if I can make something happen. So I'm feeling very powerless and alone.

But I am following the course I set out on and need to maintain focus. If something happens I would like to be ready for it. I still have three more months of loan payments before I can again have some financial flexibility.

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