Monday, August 15, 2011

Cold day in August

Seems as though every time I think my life is headed in one direction something happens to make me feel like I am going down an icy road with no brakes. Things have more or less completely stalled with Carolyn. She found other things to do this weekend than spend with me. This despite the fact that I spent Saturday taking her son out on the boat all day. I am not even sure where she was since she didn't find time to talk to me other than a single text message last night.

I did go to her house late Friday night though. Wayne had lost his phone somewhere the week before and when I looked under the seat of my car there it was. I used this as an excuse to go see her after watching the music in Downtown GC. She was planning to go to work on Saturday and she was also dealing with her daughter's car repair. So I just planned my Saturday around taking Wayne out and in fact we really had a wonderful day of sailing. It was the first time Wayne had been sailing a big boat and there wasn't much wind early in the day so we got a chance to relax and sailed the boat around the Sound. As the day continued the wind built and by late afternoon we were moving along nicely. We had to tack a number of times before I started up the engine at about 5:00. It was a good day.

By the time we cleaned the boat and got things closed up at was past 6. I called Carolyn to see if we could plan dinner but I only got voice mail. So I ended up dropping Wayne off at home and spent my Saturday night wondering why I didn't hear from her. I would have thought she would have called if only to see how her son was. So now I'm thinking it was Saturday and I believe she was working but she had to finish that at some point. My mind is thinking she had a date and didn't want to tell me about it. Or she finished work and was so spent from that she just wasn't up to a conversation. What ever it is I'm feeling a little minimized.

Sunday we had talked about going to the store. There was a huge rain all morning so I was not surprised that it didn't happen. But I also never heard from her all day. So that with Saturday silence gives me the impression she is just not ever going to be any more than someone I can see as a friend. When she sent me a text late on Sunday night she stated that the car was having major problems. I am trying to rationalize this into being a very stressful event that she was having and didn't want to deal with anything. Fine.

I managed to get other things done on Sunday. I went to the liquoer store and bought groceries. While I was out I got a text that Lisa wanted to stop by. That never happens but I told her I would be home in an hour. I thought she just wanted to find out from me all about Carolyn since I'd not really told her anything. Turns out there was more than that. She has been living with Carmine for about 4 years and they got engaged last New Years. While I'm more than a little attracted to her, she has always been my number one, I have been trying to let her go as much as possible. Still we have emails and phone calls at least once a week. So even with that I was shocked when she told me she was not very happy with her relationship. They don't share much intimacy... okay ... sex. She said weeks and months go by. My response was that I only wish it was months because for me it's been years. I actually heard myself asking her to come into the bedroom and solve both our problems. Of course she said no. That clearly wasn't what she had on her mind.

So after she unloaded her problems to me she left and I had the rest of the night to ponder what I think may happen next. My only conclusion is all women are messed up and I should feel lucky I'm single and have all my options open.

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