New Directions

I am suffering with a bit of a cold today. Started sneezing and now I'm half way through a box of kleenex. I could see it coming since I can't seem to get a good night sleep any more. Why am I so emotional?
I never had any contact with Janet so I assume she isn't interested in what I have to say. I'm sure she is matching my anger and I was starting to feel like maybe I've overreacted. But then I went back and reread my blog entry from after the night of the incident where she and Roberta pretty much said the most harsh things anyone had ever said about a friend of mine and then I got angry all over again. They called Coleen trailer park trash and she had slept with half of the town. Now I remember why I was so hurt and felt the need to go right back at them, You see they both have what I call recreational sex and one night stands with who ever, even married guys. So it's like they think they are better than people. They needed to know that I know better. It definitely went too far but it needed to.
I do wonder if I didn't see it coming and maybe even somehow made sure it would. I'm only slightly sad about loss of friends. If I apologize it will be after there is someone else apologizing first.
I went to happy hour Monday night and just had a word with Coleen and told her I don't expect to speak with Janet so if Coleen wants closure it doesn't look like it will happen any time soon. She said we are fine but I could tell there is still bad feelings for her and she probably wants to distance herself from me. Again I feel like maybe this isn't such a bad thing as I am so tired of finding myself in the company of women who see me only as a friend.
On that note my Monday night ended on a slight high point. I got home and met Ester, my single next door neighbor and we enjoyed a long chat. I got a sense that she wants to get to know me better. I can't imagine how anything would work with a neighbor but at this point I dismiss nothing.