Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Changes in Attitudes

Some days it feels like all I have left is this blog. I just said good bye to my mom. She is at the airport awaiting her flight back to Florida. I most likely not see her again until the fall. I joined her and my sister's family for dinner last night. I had a thought to stop into the bar first but decided I would be better not to. I would only be doing it to see Coleen and I want to let that go.
The long weekend is approaching and my plans at the moment seem to only be with family. I kind of stopped making plans with any of my friends. That just means things have to happen at the last minute.
I've always been saying how I always seem to get more excited about Memorial Day weekend than any other holiday. It's the opening of summer and all the hopes and expectations that come as the weather warms up. When I was a kid that was more around July 4th but now that I'm older it seems like disillusion has set in by July. Any chance of some kind of magical summer is usually gone by then. Do I sound a little jaded? I guess so. I still want those things and even if I have less and less optimism I still think there are possibilities.
It was almost exactly a year ago today I stopped drinking. That lasted until September. After 3 months I felt that I had accomplished what I had set out to, but really I wonder if I can do it again. I did feel when I was focused on not drinking I could not consider dating so last summer was for sure my strangest. So now I look at things from a perspective a little different this year.

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