I am not sure if I can say anything of significance any more. Things are not bad but I still feel a black cloud is over my head. My family has been very supportive and I feel very much loved. But my own loneliness continues. It's already been a long cold winter and it's only just started.
I continue to try and make plans with Coleen but it just becomes more and more frustrating. Christmas became very difficult as I was caught between spending time with the friends I care about and also wanting to see Coleen since I knew she wanted me to be there with her and her family. I asked her about New Year's eve and when she said no plans were made and she said she thinks she will stay home I asked if we could share a dinner with Carmine and Lisa. Of course she said depends.... so I'm thinking I want to take it back now. Probably that's what I'll do.
So things as always are a little up in the air.