Optimism abounds.

Lots of stuff going on this past weekend. Coleen has begun to reach out to me on a regular basis. It was a fun weekend and I feel good about things. I guess she was mostly just bored but I took advantage of the opportunity to spend Saturday evening out to dinner with her. I think she must had fun since she called me again on Sunday and had a drink. She seemed like she was being very flirty mostly with anyone else and not me. No sexual tension there. I still can't seem to make my mind look at her as a friend even though she insists that is all we can be.

Still waiting for mortgage to come through. Rates are still holding steady. No much point in getting worked up over it. I got a lot of things pushed out my door to the trash. Most of it never made it past the middle of the day as someone picked through it all and took anything electrical.

I'm feeling very optimistic right now. I find myself looking forward to each day.

Happenings

Yes - it's Friday and time for a new post. Friday has always been the most optimistic of days. All the prospects of the weekend and a better life are ahead and all the negativity of the working week can be put away. Even though my experiences tell me not to expect much I still look at the weekend as a chance to start something new and exciting.

I've been watching mortgage rates creeping up for the last 2 weeks ... ever since I started my process. Since i got my offer accepted on the co-op the rate went from the lowest point since to start of the year to the highest. It's not a huge uptick, but an uptick none-the-less. Probably about $40 more per month. The good news is the rate actually came down a bit yesterday so my anxiety it easing some what. Still waiting to hear that I have my approval document. It'll happen when it happens.

I got an interesting call from Coleen the other morning. She has a Tiffany lamp she says I can have. She says she has to get it back from Mark, the old boyfriend. I said sure but I would prefer to see it. I'm sure it isn't real Tiffany but I'm sure it's nice. I want more details but she can't really talk from work and she hasn't been available for the last couple of days. Again, it'll happen when it happens. I'm learning patience with all things.

So tonight I'll go hang out with friends and try to lose my stress. I'd like to get out and run some more but my legs have been really sore and I'm starting to think I need to back off it a bit. Right now my right knee seems to be inflamed as it hurts and is a little swollen. I think what happened was my hip got sore and I started to change the way I run and this has stressed my knee. It's probably from running on the street. It doesn't seem to bother me running ... just when I sit it gets real stiff.

Saturday I hope to start getting the boat ready for launch ... I have 4 or 5 weekends. Then I start the move in prep. It's going to be a busy month.

Happy Easter

I had the best Easter I can remember in a long time. I ran my race and finished way ahead of my goal. I saw Coleen - that's her in the picture - before I headed off to see the family at my sister's. I got to see Coleen a lot over the weekend but that came with the "we are just friends" talk so I'm just pleased, not overjoyed. It was good to see her though as you can see she doesn't get all fancy for Easter. We were talking via text back and forth and I wished I could have stayed with her. But she doesn't look to me for long term plans so everything has to be spontaneous. At least until I get tired of that. Friday night I was having a conversation with a mutual friend Dave and he mentioned about how Coleen has said in the past that there are no good men around. I asked if my name had ever come up to which he said he has asked her "What about Mike?" and he said her response was that she doesn't feel like that with me. While it's not something I didn't already know it was a bitter pill to swallow. She now gets lumped in with the other women who I've been obsessed with that I could never get past the friendship zone. Lisa, Janet, Jenny, Lee, Winnie, Eileen ... geez the list is endless.

I was supposed to stop in at Janet's house at some point on Easter but just headed home instead. It was already 8:30 so I figured I should call it a night. I knew if I called I would have gone so I didn't even do that. I probably should have since she asked me about it yesterday.

Things are proceeding according to plan with my application for a mortgage. I expect to have the approval letter by the end of the week and then I can set up my meeting with the co-op board. Once I complete that I can get a closing date. Meanwhile the rate keeps rising. I can't wait to get this done.

So my 3K race was great. I may have a picture soon as Lisa has them but hasn't uploaded them to me. She did great ... 34 minutes and change. I finished in just a shade under 37 minutes... nowhere near the front but well ahead of the goal of 40 minutes. We've been covering that distance regularly at the gym and even on the street, but it was exciting to run in a race where we had to beat a clock.

The rest of my week is progressing day by day ... there are no real plans except I will go to see the Mets play on Wednesday. Maybe take some pictures I can post.

Mortgage mortgage mortgage.

Still have mortgage stuff on my mind. Got an email late in the day from the mortgage company asking for 3 things. First they want a printed summary from the bank listing all transactions from March 17 through April 1. Then they want a copy of the check for retirement funds. Then finally they want proof of terms and conditions of withdrawal from 401K. Not sure what that last thing even is since I made the transaction online. I got the check in the mail today so I'm just going to call them in the morning and tell them I'll bring it in. Not sure what else I can do for these things. I guess I can call customer service at the bank for the other thing.

I will make every effort to finish this up so that by this time next week I'll have a completed mortgage process. Then I can move to get the board meeting set up with the next week. All this anxiety probably over nothing. I mean I have the money and I make more than enough and I have no outstanding debt so nothing is in the way. Just my own mental hangups.

Sunday is Easter and in the morning Lisa and I are going to run in a 5K race. I've been doing that in the gym so I am fairly sure I can make that run. Except I still run really slow so I am afraid I'll try to keep up with all the real runners and burn out in the first mile. My goal is to complete the race in under 40 minutes. Wish me luck.

Another end of weekend

A weekend full of surprises. I took care of my mortgage and now it's just a matter of time. I finally got up the nerve to tell my landlord and landlady. They looks shocked and sad. It felt terrible to see them. I feel I need to make this happen but I am sad that I am leaving such a safe and secure place. I know I need to grow and change but they have been good to me and I hate that they are made unhappy when I go.

I did get to spend a lot of time with Coleen. She kept calling me although nothing is different. She is always going to effect me but I can see now there can never be anything between us. She just isn't seeing me like that. But I've tried to not see her and I just feel sad all the time so I'm going to just keep keeping on. Probably means I'll never get another girl but I'm adjusting to that. The hard thing is when I see other couples. I get so envious of what seems so close but never in my grasp.

Good things

I spent my day stressing over my application for a mortgage. It feels like everyone is taking me apart one piece at a time. I am dealing with two different mortgage guys. Today it was the rep from the realty company and tomorrow it will be the broker who I started with at the beginning of this process. I expect I'll make my decision by the end of the day.

I spent a good 2 hours at the gym tonight. I don't know whether it was stress or if the aspirin I took at 7 AM but I was going strong even after more than 4 miles on the treadmill. I need to keep at it. All the good things will generate if I just keep going. None of my workout buddies showed up.

Coleen was supposed to call but I haven't spoken to her yet. Something happened Wednesday and she said she would talk to me later. Hasn't happened. I'm becoming more and more convinced she is back with Mark. So there will be no chance of making solid plans.

Still I feel very positive right now. I'm working hard and heading in a good direction. Big day tomorrow.

An uneventful day

It was a long day that included a trip to the gym for a vigorous workout. It was more of a struggle than I had been having. I saw Lisa there. We are both planning to try and run in a 5K race in the next few weeks. That gives me incentive to keep working hard.

When I got home I got a call from Coleen. It's not like her to call after 9 o'clock so it was quite a surprise. She wants to start getting back into the gym again and I told her we can meet on Thursday after work. She said she will be there but we will see. I have a feeling she is back seeing Mark again. It's odd that she pays me attention when she sees him. Can't figure that out. Of course I don't actually know what is going on. Never want to ask when i know the answer will not make me happy. That's enough gloom and doom for one day.