Monday, August 23, 2010

Monday is a day of review

My entire family was together on Saturday evening to pay our final respects to my dad, who died 6 months to the day on August 21. He wanted not to be buried in a cemetery or have a headstone. He wanted to to cremated and his ashes spread at sea. I own his sailboat and my brother Barry owns his last boat, a 40 foot trawler. We had both boats together as his entire family - all 22 of us stood and said a few words before releasing his ashes into the water. It was done with respect and love and it got emotional. Some of the grandchildren did not feel comfortable saying anything but I expected that. We all went to my sister's house afterwards and had what is a typical family gathering. There was music and laughter and occasional tension but no drama. Just us being us which is how dad would have liked it.

The rest of the weekend was about other things. Friday night I got to dance to Jimmy Buffett music, first with my mom, then with Roberta but then I danced the rest of the night with Coleen. It may have been the most fun I've had all summer. After dancing I had Coleen meet mom, which is the first time that has happened. It went well. But the night ended with me going to another place to hear a friend play his acoustic set. Coleen had chosen to go home so I was hanging out with Janet and Roberta. In an hour I was ready to go home and so did they. Nothing new going on there.

Sunday I had dinner with Janet. We spent the evening watching a movie at her house. I spend so much time with her and I still can't figure out how I fit in with her. Part of me thinks she is the most beautiful girl and I should be thriller just to be alone with her. But another part of me is just not attracted to her and I want something different. I just don't feel any love coming from her. Here is the really odd thing ... she has her house to herself for maybe the first time ever. No kids as her 2 eldest have moved to their own place and her son was away until Monday. I was thinking there was an opportunity there but I just let it go. If she was thinking about anything it would of been hinted at.

So here I am on Monday feeling good but wondering if I am still on any kind of path. I still haven't had a drink since May ... actually it is 3 months today. My birthday is Monday and Janet wanted to know if I would like it if we went to dinner, just the 2 of us. All I need to do is decide.

No comments: