What to expect

Wednesday is July 2nd. That might seem like just a regular day but I've been looking at that day with both dread and excitement for over 2 months. As it draws closer it becomes more apparent that it may have a bigger impact all the time.

July 2nd is the 2 year anniversary of Coleen and Mark's first date. Coleen has been saying that she feels that if she isn't a bigger part of his life that she needs a better future and will end it if there isn't an engagement or something along those lines. She has made this statement to most of her friends. This past weekend they didn't even speak and she and I spent almost all my free time together. I couldn't figure out how to handle this. I am still not convinced she is really wanting to break things off. So even though she has sort of drawn this line in the sand my guess is they have a talk and she will cave in to whatever situation Mark gives her.  

But let's just say she and Mark are going to be over by July Fourth. It's not as if she will suddenly become more romantic toward me. In fact I'm afraid the opposite will happen. We will become closer as friends but I won't be able to take that leap into anything more. It's actually been easy to get close to her before because I've always been able rely on the fact that she has a boyfriend so there is no pressure for me to make something happen.

Two weeks ago Jami had a talk with Coleen about me and how I am going to be a problem at some point. While I don't believe I could ever get to where she would be afraid to talk to me, Jami may actually give me a good place to start a discussion of how I really feel about her and I. Of course, all this needs for Coleen and Mark to be over first. So I just wait and watch and hope.

Pictures pictures pictures

Sorry Crystal and Sherry. My first attempts at uploading the pictures failed.

Hello ... here are some pictures of Coleen at the beach on Sunday....

Yes that is a t-shirt. I did a double take when she first appearred wearing it.

 

The picture below I took at Coleen's house while she was watching tv. I got to meet her dad too. We spent the whole day together because her boyfriend never called her. She kept looking at her cell phone for messages. She says she thinks she wants to let him go but I don't think she is really ready for that yet. But she has said all along she won't stay with him if she sees no future.

Here is a picture of Steve Sr., Coleen's dad. I found out that he and my dad served in the marines at Camp LeJuene at the same time.

 

A unexpected Saturday

I'm in a really good place at the moment. Things developed in a way that I should be happy about. Of course how good could it be if I'm here and able to make a blog entry and it's only 11 p.m. on a Saturday night. But stilll....details - okay

I woke up this morning after not doing anything last night. Staying in was my plan and I stuck to it. Finally at around noon I headed for the boat and while on the way I got a text message from Coleen. So I called her up and asked her to come down to the boat. She gave me a big fat maybe but in a little under an hour there she was walking down the dock towards my boat. So I got to hear the story of how she wasn't hearing from her boyfriend and she was wondering what it would be like to leave him. I struggled with how to respond with this.I mean of course I want her to break up and be free... it's inevitable.

So we sat and talked and I didn't say too much. We agreed to have dinner and we went to a new place. It was terrific. But not romantic. That's still a ways off if even at all. But I must say I am more optimistic than I've ever been. Tomorrow we may go out if the weather is good. If not then maybe Monday. Maybe I can find a way to say that I really like being her friend but I wish there could be so much more. Find a way to tell her and not lose her as a friend ... so much risk.

Staying in

Stayed in last night and probably again tonight. I felt like the whole world was out without me though. It'll probably be worse tonight. I guess if I really have to I could use my credit card but I know that's just adding to the my problems later.

Just got my hair cut. Took the last $20 I have until Monday. So it's going to be a quiet weekend. I have less than $5 in my pocket. I really didn't have any plans anyway. Janet and Roberta are away. It is Jami's birthday on Friday but I'm afraid I am going to miss that. I was looking forward to seeing Coleen at happy hour on Friday but maybe I'm better off missing that this week. I'm sure her plans only include her boyfriend.

My Thursday night on the boat looks to be rained out which I'm fine with since no one really said they planned to go anyway. So as of now my life looks to be sitting at home. It's good to have a weekend away from things. Maybe I can take this time and get my home in order. I'll still be able to get out ot the boat or the beach on Saturday so I won't be completely housebound. But my adventures will definately be limited.

Random text messages are back

Not sure what to make of this. I was sitting at home bored to death. Not much going on and feeling a little lonely. Then my cell phone suddenly springs to like with a text message. It was Coleen! The next thing I know we are chatting on the phone. She was more or less doing the same as me.

Now the bad news. She was at Mark's house. He wasn't there however. I could tell she was just looking for someone to talk to so she could blow off some steam. She did say the most flattering ... that when I met her father he was very impressed by me. Wanted to know why she doesn't date me. Probably shouldn't make anything of that but I really need something positive to hold on to.

We ended it by agreeing to talk tomorrow. It's Jami's birthday on Friday and she wanted suggestions for a present to get her. Something else I'm not really that interested in. However, I am really happy to get a random message. I hadn't gotten any in the last 2 weeks and I had been missing them. It's good to put the mess behind us.

Monday blues

I'll probably be updating a lot this week since there really isn't much going on. It always seems like the more I've got going on the less I can make updates. I'm looking at next weekend where half my friends will be away. I won't get paid until next Monday, which will be the third weekend in the same pay period. And I put a bunch of bills in the mail so I'm pretty sure by the weekend I'll be down to my last dime. So that doesn't give me much to look forward to.

The only one who I spoke to yesterday was Lisa. I asked her if she and Carmine were engaged, since I'd heard a rumor that she was. She said that was news to her. Maybe Carmine is planning it though. Small towns are hard to keep secrets in.

I have been getting these odd sensations lately that some how my love life is about to change. Of course I'd had that before and nothing much has happened. Still ... Lisa reminded me of the deadline for Coleen and Mark is approaching. Coleen has said that she wants to have something more substancial from Mark by July 4th. They will have been together for 2 years by then and she figures she should be married or engaged by now. But I have a feeling that it will come and go and if nothing changes she will still be with Mark. The only thing that makes me still hang on is the fact that she seems so unhappy with him. I don't know if I could make her happy but I'd sure love the chance.