My posts have become fewer and fewer. That's because I've about given up. I mean here I am 55 years old and I write about stuff a high school kid would probably laugh at. For what ever reason i am unable to make anything happen in a meaningful way. I lack the ability to get what I want and while I know it is basically my own doing I just can't seem to get past this. As time goes on I feel it is less important.
This is not the end of my blog but I am not sure if I will be a regular poster any more. Right now I am pursuing nothing. Coleen, remember Coleen? I have not heard from her in weeks and I hardly even think about how hung up on her I once was. Janet? Not really talking to her either. She doesn't call me and I'm fine with that. Lisa? She keeps saying she wants to leave Carmine, but why she tells me I don't understand. I told her she should sleep with me. Since then she hasn't really seen me. We still text a few times a week.
So that just leaves Carolyn. I took her out last Friday night and at the end of the night I tried to kiss her. Just not happening. She won't. I'm ready to walk.
So I feel very much like I want no one to be close to me. I am not what they are looking for. They are not what I am looking for. Friends I have. I want someone to share my life with. Unless I see that about to happen I may just walk my own path for a while.
So I may not add a new item here or I may find myself back with new thoughts tomorrow. We will see. But this is my here and now. Still dealing with a single day at a time.