Wow - I've made it to July. I am now all moved and living the good life in my new digs. The boat has been feeling neglected so I will be getting more into that in the coming weeks.
Still not drinking. It's now 40 days and counting. Although I try not to dwell on it. I don't see much that's different than before. I'm not looking forward or backwards as much. Just dealing with the here and now. It's funny how patience pays off.
Last night I went to see big band music in a park. Lisa called to say she was going with her sister and husband and if I wanted to go I should call. So I did go and I expected her to be there with Carmine but he couldn't make it. I feel so awkward around Lisa now. We are not as close as we once were and I know that distance is probably healthier than what we had before. It's certainly less frustrating. Her sister Ellen said I seem so much more quiet now. I'm not sure if she meant because I am not drinking or just that I didn't make much conversation. Maybe both.
Last Sunday I saw Janet and Jami for dinner. It was Janet's birthday Friday and Jami's was that day. They were both having drinks to celebrate and at the end of the night I offered to drive since i had only soda. Janet gave me her keys and Jami insisted on driving even though she had much too much to drink. In fact she followed me to Janet's to give me a ride back to my car ... which was only 2 blocks away. I got mad and told her she needs to just get home. So she got mad and now we aren't really talking although she was so hammered she probably is more okay about it than I am.
I ended the evening talking to Janet and was actually looking like she was waiting for me to make a move but I'm pretty sure that's just in my head. Can't really go there with someone I now know only as a friend for 6 years even if she is the most attractive woman I know.
I still can't seem to shake these thoughts of Coleen. I know she only wants me as a friend and I want to accept that but I am always scheming of ways to get closer to her. Here is another one. She is going to see a big concert in NJ and taking Dave. The last conversation she had with me was how she was regretting the whole thing. And now she tells me Dave hasn't called her back to arrange the trip there. I almost wanted to say I'll go in his place ... but I can't. It would be bad for so many reasons.