I've been feeling like I need to start updating this again. So much is happening right now and I've no one to really express it to. I once again need this as an outlet for things that affect me that no one really cares about except me and anyone else who still thinks this is worth reading.
What I need to get of my chest may go someplace that is not good and I feel like I am sounding just a little ... I don't know ... narcissistic. I'm feeling very alone right now and I feel the walls going up all around me. It's winter and up until now I have been focusing on football and my beloved Jets. But they lost and now I'm realizing that I have no interest in seeing any other games... for now.
Let me just get to the point ... Coleen ... remember Coleen ... she has distanced herself from me. She has stopped seeing Mark completely but since then she has barely spoken to me. I see her in the bar and we have casual conversations but she is making it clear to me she is unavailable. She has been getting cosy with Jimmy. While they don't appear to be a couple I think she wants to be but I could be just me being really jealous. He is definitely getting the attention I used to get. I'm feeling even more rejected and unloved than usual.
As far as the rest I may have alienated myself from Roberta and Janet because I'm not speaking to Judy anymore. Judy is this fat, gross friend of Roberta's. She always seemed to go out of her way to tick me off and I've finally had enough and told her so. Janet was there and told me I went too far ... so she is siding with Judy I guess. But I am sick of everyone giving her a pass on her inappropriate behavior and if I lose the friendship I have with Janet and Roberta over this then so be it. I have let Judy abuse me for the last time. More loneliness for me but I am simply not going to continue to surround myself with anymore fake friends.