Is this it?

I've been home all weekend. I've been home every night since New Years as a matter of fact. I don't want to go anywhere. That's not really true. I've been fighting the urge to call Janet. But I can't. I want a girlfriend and she's is never going to be that. I still like her friendship and I know I'll get back to that but I need to take a break. I'll take that one week at a time. Problem is that leaves me a little lost.

Joe had a party scheduled for Saturday so I thought I could stay in on Friday night for a change. I had Saturday plans so why go out on Friday. Joe's party got cancelled so I end up doing nothing. Spent Sunday at home watching football.

Lisa was working all weekend.... we did have a couple of phone conversations. Her job leaves her no time for anything else. It almost seems as though they do this to her by design. The yoga center brings her much joy and she really is doing what she wants there but they do seem to have many "cult" like elements. It's a job that ties her up from the time she wakes up until she goes to sleep at least 6 days a week. Sunday is her only day off and this weekend she had a "master" breakfast which took until 2 in the afternoon. Then she went to a family function. She called to complain that she can't get her laundry done. I told her that it's her schedule and she can change it if she wants. She said it's not that simple. Right. She is giving all power to the Dahn Center people. It's almost as bad as my ex-wife relationship with a fortune teller. She calls me during the week but it's always on the sly. Like she is cheating by making a personal call.

Lisa bought a new used car last week and on Wednesday night I gave her a ride to pick it up. On the way there she got a cell phone call from one of her "men". I didn't ask who it was but it could only be either Tom or Powell. Both are married. Lisa didn't give me a clue as to who it was but she said goodbye by saying "I love you". I decided not to even ask. But it made me feel bad. The only way she can have a relationship is with someone who already has a wife. I have no idea when she sees these guys if ever.

So in the last ten days or so I've been thinking how I can't make anything happen with any women I have in my life. I keep looking forward to summer and how I want to take a trip on the boat. The only one I would want to be with for that kind of trip is Lisa but she won't do it. At least she might go for an overnight which is more than I think Janet would ever do. No one would ever do the kind on over night I really want.