Saturday, August 1, 2009

Still here

Life is never as good as you'd like it but never as bad as you fear. Summer is a little more than half gone. While it hasn't been a summer to remember, I have had a good time. I wish I in love and waking up and having breakfast with someone after spending the previous night in each other's arms. But that's just a pipe-dream at this point and the realization that I'll never see that again is becoming more and more apparent. It's bearable.

I still spend way more time with Coleen than anyone else. If I go back and read the earlier blogs I see myself wanting to get closer to her and now I am. When I think on that I feel like I can almost accomplish anything. That being said I've really hit the wall. It's gone as far as I want it to go. She still considers Mark her guy even though she barely talks to him and sees him maybe once a month. Still he asked her to take off to spend a weekend away with him and she went.

My other friends Janet and Roberta are still giving me a hard time but they haven't abandoned me. I have been going out of my way to keep them separate and they called me on it this week. I simply said that I don't want to "compartmentize" my friends but I feel I can't get in the middle when friends of mine are not able to be friends. I still fail to understand why it's so bad that to be in the same room is so uncomfortable but I've given up on trying to change it.

So I'm here on a beautiful Saturday morning and I have nothing to do. Last night I went dancing with Roberta and Janet even though I had hopes of going with Coleen. It was supposed to be an outdoor event but it rained so thing moved indoors. Coleen said if it's inside she wouldn't bother. I considered blowing it off and going home early, but I'm glad I went. Dancing is so much fun. I may have made a spectacle out of myself but no one seems to mind. It ended at 10:30. Coleen said she would call me later but my cell phone never did ring. I had a feeling she was seeing Mark. Which means she sat on the couch watching TV and Mark drank beer until he passes out. What a catch. Janet and Roberta wanted to go out some more but my limited budget said I should break for home and get some food. Since I didn't eat dinner I went home and had some leftovers. Went to bed by 11:30.

There is more weekend left so I need to shut this off and get to it.

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