No blogging until something actually happens

No entries for a while. I've been taking the holidays off. If life sends me something worth writing about I'll be back.

Monthly entry - I'll try to blog more.

It has been a very busy month. As I've said before, "living life means blogging less". That has been somewhat true for me lately. My day to day life is about the same. My work has been overwhelming and there appears not end it site. That is until Sandy blew through. Plenty of down time but no electricity and no gas for the car. I spent the better part of a week watching radio. My boat, which road out the storm in the water, made it through fine. I needed to tie it up well and batten down the hatches but in the end it was probably more luck that allowed me to escape with no damage. There was a wind shift prior to high tide so the horrific events that occurred on the South Shore of Long Island were not nearly as bad on the North Shore.
I survived having no lights or heat and now I'm finally back at work, although we don't seem to have a working application system until at least tomorrow, so I don't have very much to do. That why I can blog.
I've had quality time with all the women in my life and I now have very little to do with any of them. I helped Carolyn out with some fuel so she could run her generator. But when the lights came on she didn't have heat. There was something wrong even before the storm, but it wasn't anything I could fix. It seems like she wanted me to come by but I wasn't about to use the last of my gas to look at something I knew I couldn't fix. It isn't as if she would be willing to keep me warm at night.
Lisa had to work at the Red Cross for an obscene number of hours, and while it was a worthy cause, it left me with taking care of her cat. She would text me now and then but I almost never saw her.
There was some bad news prior to storm that I will need to expand on later. Her sister Ellen went to the doctor about a cough she can't seem to shake. The diagnosis may be cancerous lymph nodes. So it is very scary.
Coleen has been coming around although she needs to take a hike. She left her abusive boyfriend, but then went back to him so I really need to let her be.
Janet called me to ask me to come out for a drink but I had only just gotten the lights on so I said no.
All the women would rather sit alone at home in the dark than spend some time with me. I don't think I want to spend any more quality time with any of them.

New Post about old stuff

I seem to be a once a week blogger now. Not sure if that can change but this is the best I can do for now. It isn't as if there is nothing happening. There have been days where I can't keep up with things/
I still spend most of my time lately with Lisa, but Coleen has been also getting my attention. Neither one is ever going to get to be anything but I still can't seem to resist either one.
Even after my feeble attempt at seduction with Lisa she still wants me around. We talk each and every day if only to say hello. At least I don't need to feel lonely.
Coleen and her BF are no longer living together but she has not completely let go. We had dinner out one day last week and it felt like the fastest meal I'd ever had. But when we were in the car afterwards she broke down and told me how upset she was about  it. I just wanted to go home. But I listened and waited for her to calm down. So of course the next night I saw them talking in the bar. I gave up at that point. She texted me Sunday and Monday but I know I should just leave her be. I see from Facebook she went ot dinner at the restaurant her BF likes, so I'm assuming they had a date.
So then we have Carolyn. Poor sweet Carolyn. Still my best chance for sex. At least we have kissed although I'm just not feeling like I want to give her any more of my time. The lat time I saw her was over a month ago, but she called me on Sunday and we made a date for Friday. In my mind I'm going to either sleep with her or just tell her I don't have room for her any more. Is that cold? Probably but I don't seem to care.
I have Friday off from work. Lisa is having an operation to remove a cyst from her foot and I agreed to drive her. She will be off her feet for a few days. I probably should not have made the plan with Carolyn for the same day but it's too late for that.
I expect I'll be waking up alone on Saturday morning no matter what I try. But I'm still trying even if I'm not optimistic.

I got a question.

It's been so long since I've been able to post. Work is consuming all my time and energy. It's been as crazy as any time i can remember. And it's not as if I don't have a lot to blog about either. I've been very busy socially. I don't have time to get into all of it so for now I want to lay out a scenario and ask if I missed something.
Last Friday I took Lisa out for drinks that including dancing. Slow dancing to Sinatra. And lots of drinks that I paid for. Like it was a date. Now I know we are never going to really have a date as we know each other way too long. Still I felt like I wanted to change the dynamic, or at least try. But I wasn't really think of doing anything but take her home and say goodnight at the door. So we park the car and I walk her home, which is only 100 feet or so from my house. Lisa opens her door and immediately goes up the stairs without closing her door, like an invite to come up. I did. For some reason I figured if she wanted me in her house she must want me in her bed. At least I was willing to consider it. So I went for it. I got her in her bed room and laid on the bed. Well, that did not go well. "What are you doing?", she asked. "Trying to sleep with you." I'm not totally sure if that's what I said but I was out the door in about 30 seconds. Which ultimately was fine as I wanted to go home anyway. But I'm thinking, did I do anything different than what any normal male would do? I'm thinking I was assertive and I need to be more that way.

I get distracted so easily.

There is no time in my life for blogs right now. So I will only give highlights. Okay, maybe I'll embellish a little bit.
First of all I have my tooth fixed. Mostly. I have a temporary replacement and I have something more permanent scheduled for October. The temp actually looks better than what I had so I'm good with it. I needed that since my birthday was Thursday and I thought there may be photo-op moments. There really weren't so no pictures for the blog. Sorry.
For my birthday I took a day off from work and spent the day on the water with Carolyn. We had a friend of hers with us as well so I figured we would just enjoy fishing and swimming in the sun. It was a great day weather-wise. We motored here and there and found ourselves anchored off a small island off of Connecticut. This island is a park and there are no people living on it and since it was a weekday it was pretty much uninhabited. I swam onto the beach ... a good 200 yard distance. Carolyn followed and her friend stayed with the boat. We wandered along the beach and found ourselves alone. Before I knew it we were making out in the water like in From Here to Eternity. It was only a moment but for me it made my birthday. Unfortunately it was pretty much downhill from there. Our evening ended with Carolyn and I in my house and rather than stay she chose home instead. Nothing happened. Oh well. At least I put it out there.
Friday I went to work but the plan after work was to see Lisa and go see music. We had some wine and when the music started we danced for the entire time. Lisa was having a ball. I tried to get Carolyn to come but she bowed out. I moved on. I saw Coleen there and she was annoyed at her BF because he bailed on her. More on that later.
Friday night ended with use going to eat with my cousin and her husband. It was so late when got home I just collapsed into bed. I got an early morning text from Coleen to go to the gym. I decided to suck it up and go meet her there. Afterwards we got coffee and she told me she was considering her relationship a lost cause. I figured she was just having a bad day and didn't think any more of it.
After that I was home and I checked in with Lisa. We decided to make a day of sailing. It was supposed to be with her sister and bro-in-law. But they bailed and it was just us. There was no wind so we just relaxed and swam for a few hours. Then late in the afternoon the wind did pick up and we got a good three hour sail in. Lisa was loving it. She knows what to do. I want so badly to have those moments with her turn into something better but it's never happened. I told her about Carolyn and our kiss. No reaction. We ended the night having a nice dinner and again I'm home alone.
Sunday morning I get a phone call early. It is Coleen. She told me she had moved out from her BF's house. She had woke up there and he went off on her about making noise and she just had enough I guess and packed her clothes and left. I'm not sure how that will play out for for the moment they broke up. I ended up spending most of the day with her. I know I shouldn't do that but I just went with it.
So my weekend just had me bouncing around. By Tuesday I can't figure out where any of this is going. I know I've been here before and these things so rarely turn into anything but a distraction.

Toothless

I am having the strangest month. Very manic. I'm up then I'm down, never just in the middle. For starters I'm having some issues at work. Apparently my director has it in his head I am not working up to par. I guess coming in early and working late is not good enough. I'm not going to vent about this too much but I'm feeling a little persecuted.
I went to see a minor league baseball game last week. The event was really about my Uncle Jack, who threw out the first ball. It was fun to see and there were cousins all over the place. The gave was at Coney Island in Brooklyn so that in itself was eventful. I no sooner get off the train when I see 3 cousins and my uncle heading away from the stadium. They wanted to ride the Cyclone, a really old roller coaster, which is a Coney Island icon. Oh and did I mention the first stop I made before this was to order a hot dog at Nathans? Yeah, I ate the hot dog and I joined them and rode the Cyclone. It was fun but it rattled my teeth a bit because I loosened a tooth. Well, not really a tooth, but a cap. Yeah, and it is now gone.
On Sunday I was swimming in the Long Island Sound and somehow lost the cap. It is somewhere at the bottom of the ocean. It's not just any tooth, but one of my front four. There will be no pictures of me for a while. I pretty much look like a redneck.
I hope to get an appointment and get it fixed quickly. At least by Thursday. This ended was was a fairly eventful weekend. It was the strangest thing. I felt like everyone wanted me to join them for something. I was outside on Friday night with Lisa to hear a summer concert. I saw Janet there and she wanted me to go to a new place, but since I had been doing the driving and Lisa and Eleen were not staying out late I begged off. But then she called me Saturday morning and I thought I'd see her later. It didn't happen.
I had planned to sleep in on Saturday morning, but at 7:30 my cell phone started ringing. I figured it was work or something and I ignored it until I finally got up at 8:15. Turns out it was Coleen of all people. She was going to the gym and I knew I should go and of course I wanted to see Coleen. So I went at 9 o'clock and she was there waiting for me. While there I'm getting text messages from Lisa and Janet. It was crazy. Why is everyone needing to talk to me at the same time. And not one of them actually likes my in "that" way.
So I try to take the advice I get and not spend more time than I need to with any of them but I inevitably give in and find myself with some one. Saturday it was Coleen. Sunday it was Lisa. And in between I was getting more text messages from Carolyn.
Nothing is going to come of any of it. I refuse to plan on anything with any of them. Mostly because none of them will commit to anything anyway. I will not get myself to caught up in any of their shit. Yet here I am writing about it all. Maybe things will work out but it just looks like this is how it is. And now to get that tooth fixed.  

I need a miracle to change my ways.

August us half gone and this is just my second post. Oh well, that's summer. If there was any thing going on I for sure would post it. I have not really taken advantage of the warm weather too much and gotten out. Seems like work has taken over my social life for the moment even though I'm not doing too well at the job. I got stuck in the office late the last 2 nights.
I have had some time to think, which is probably never a good thing. But my thoughts lately have been how I seem to follow a pattern of getting myself close to the women I'm attracted to but only as a friend. I sit and wonder if I do this and it isn't just an accident. Like my attraction grows if a woman is just nice to me but not in a sexual way. I don't know how to fix that.
I've also been thinking about the patterns other seem to have. I've been around long enough to see how the women around me seem to repeat the same mistakes just as I do. I'm watching as Lisa gets close to this guy who already has a wife and it feels like she seems like she wants it to go somewhere although it's likely not. Then there is Janet who can pretty much have what ever she wants but she only seems to be attracted to men who are the opposite of what she wants. Guys that don't have a good job and no money and don't seem to care. She said to me recently that she thinks she may be keeping herself from anything substantial without knowing she is doing it. Well, yeah, I see that.
So as I approach another birthday and I am still pretty much in the same position as when I wrote my first post some 8 years ago it may be I will never be able to change anything. I am stuck in an endless loop like an episode of the twilight zone. All I have are these moments in time where someone came into the picture and pushed me off the tracks but in the end I find myself right back where I started.