Ugh...

Here I am. It's the holiday weekend and I want to make it all sound good. I've had much stress and confusion. My work is in chaos and the rest of my life isn't any different. Don't know how to do anything.

So I'm watching Hitch and I so wish it was real life. The movie make all things possible. It's done so well. Albert is so much the every man. The Q-tip... ha!. I'm staying home. So I'm wanting to say a lot but not so much.

My life lately has been more about Janet and I get such mixed messages right now I can't understand how I should feel. Janet is such an angel and I can't believe I get to be a part of her life. And she calls me and makes me feel as if I am as important to her as anyone.But at the same time i never ever get the romantic "I love you" vibe from her. Part of me is thinking she is just the kind of girl who wants to make her feelings like poker.God forbid anyone should see how she feels.
So the Saturday of Memorial Day Weekend I had a picnic for as many of my friends and family as would come. Coleen blew me off but I had barely invited her. Lisa blew me off too. That bothered me more than it should have. I feel like I barely know Lisa anymore.
So today I got a surprise visit from Coleen and of course I felt really honored. I made the most of it. I had her helping me on the boat. We got some really good things done and it seemed like we were bonding. Meanwhile I had told Janet I would be seeing her ... casually of course. So i felt like i was playing off who would give me the most likely satisfaction. And it's really neither. So frustrating. I'm so stupid. What can i do?Ugh....