Been unable to come up with anything good to say. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself on Monday. So bad that I couldn't get to sleep and stayed up until 2. Still got up and went to work but I was real tired. Wouldn't you know the work that day was chaos. By the middle of the day I was just angry at every one. I got an email from Lisa and I just went off on her not being able to talk to me as much because of her new job. She stopped by Tuesday night and we chatted over some wine. I felt less lonely and when she left I had the best night's sleep in more than a month.
Also heard from Janet on Tuesday although only in an email. Don't know what's up there except I don't look at it the same way. Just something to do with no more thoughts of trying to work out a date or anything.
Dealing with the fact that I am truly going through this life alone is hard. I never want to give up but I think it's what my future is. I find it hard to imagine anyone ever falling for me.
My focus lately has been on maing it to spring. Only 86 more days until I can consider it safe to go sailing. I am really looking forward to this summer. My last summer in my "40's". I want to plan a cruise on the boat but no one to cruise with. At least no one I want to cruise with. So I dream and pray for something good.
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