Bad feelings

I really don't understand why I do the things that I do sometimes. I mean I already know the outcome but I still keep thinking I can change things.

Last night I was set to go to the gym and I was going to meet Lisa there so I would have someone to talk to. But Lisa called after work and said she was not feeling well and would just head home. But I had my stuff and I figured I could go anyway. So what do I do ... I drive by the bar and saw Coleen's car and thought I could stop in and say hello. Stupid stupid stupid.

She said hello and she was glad to see me .... but she is all about Jimmy now and he was there too. But here is the thing ... Jimmy doesn't seem interested in her at all. Why am I putting myself in position to watch this? It makes me crazy. She just doesn't like me that way ... I need to find something else. Go someplace else. Anything just get away from it.

Today is Friday and that is my plan... go anywhere but there. Stay home or go out ... just don't see Coleen. My weekend plan is that. I may have a drink after work in the City and then stay in. That would work best. I can be social for an hour or so and feel like I've got a life. Tomorrow I need to make it to the gym and then look at another apartment. I may see Lisa or my sister tomorrow. that should get me through Saturday. I'll deal with Sunday later. Stay focused.