Normalcy returns

Saturday night and Sunday were about the same as any other weekend. The excitement of Friday night has dissipated. I worked on the boat both Saturday and Sunday and then went to the bar for a few hours before going home. I didn't see or hear from Coleen after Saturday morning. I guess with the boyfriend back from Atlantic City this should be expected. I'm trying not to turn this into an obsession.

I am looking at my surroundings and realizing just how sloppy I have become. I need to dedicate myself to putting things in order. I mean for the first time in forever the possibility of someone sharing my life could happen and she would probably run my my house screaming from all the clutter I have. I need to get into my closets and throw away what I'm never going to use. I'll start with the living room I think. Then the kitchen. Then the bedroom and the bathroom last. The bathroom is probably the easiest.My thought is to take everything out of the room and only put back things that look right. I would really like some new furnature too. Maybe that a little too ambitious.

This week should be an easy week. I got paid today and after the rent, car insurance, cell-phone bill and Kohl's bill come out of it I have a few dollars left. This Friday will be a wine tasting dinner which are always fun. It will have the same cast of characters that I see at the bar - no Coleen though.

Lisa had asked if I could look in on her place this coming Saturday, but now she says she will be home instead. Her cats are the main reason I would need to be there. As time goes on I find myself getting more and more dissatified by her and all the crap that she has. I don't have a key so she needed to get me a copy. But she has plans everyday and I'm so unimportant that she couldn't find a way to get them to me. Her entire life now revolves around Carmine and if I'm lucky she squeezes me in for an hour or two for a dinner. We used to have conversations several time a week. Now all of our contact comes in instant message chats online while she is in the car. She has no isea what I'm doing any more and I'm sure I'm out of the loop as far as she goes. I'm wondering how much longer before we stop talking all together.

My boat will now take up most of my free time. I have 4 weekends to get everything working. I'm trying not to make any other weeekend plans until that's done. Hopefully not too much rain for a while.

All about the dinner

Sorry this is so late. This is actually my third attempt at an entry. I hope to be able to read this one day and look back and know I've gotten it right.

Yes, I had dinner with Coleen. It sure felt very date-like. I woke up this morning (alone - it wasn't THAT good of a dinner) feeling very much like I have new future. Okay, okay... I'm getting a little too dramatic.

I left work and went straight to the bar where Coleen and I had arranged to meet. I got there and didn't see her at first but she had been there for a while before I did. When I saw her she said "are you hungry yet"? So we had just one glass of wine and we headed for the car.

We had a choice to make as to which restaurant to go to. She only knew on one and I wanted her to try a different one. She gave in to my choice. So we sat down and started chatting and just loved everything. She was great company.

We talked and laughed. I had fun. It felt a little magical. It was all so easy. I tried to keep my conversation light. Not much talk about the boyfriend. In all honesty I didn't take notes so it's hard to remember what we chatted about. At the end of dinner ... we were both full way before the food was gone, I told her that if she let me pay I'll let her pay next time. Of course that was a lie but I really wanted to see how she felt about there being a next time. She looked happy about that.

So we paid the check and headed back in her car but with me driving. She put her favorite music on the CD and it wasn't something I knew but I did like it. SHE'S A COUNTRY MUSIC GIRL!!! So cool. You see, in NY there are no country music stations so it's rare that you find someone who likes it here.

So we got back to the bar and before we got out of the car she surprised me with a kiss. Not big kiss ... just a quick kiss and a thank you. It was over before I knew what had happened.  So we went into the bar and had a drink. The bar was filled with people we knew. Roberta, Janet, Tony, and Jami were sitting at the usual end of the bar. They all teased us because we reeked of Indian food. Which was fine with me.

I can't make too much of a deal about this, even though Coleen messaged me before I'd even gotten out of bed this morning. I hope she has the good feeling today like I do. I'm going to see what happens and not expect too much. I realize that right now her boyfriend is back and he it her number one. If that changes I'll be happy but if it doesn't I can at least say I had one good dinner.

Dinner plans

Just got a call from Coleen. We just made plans for dinner tonight. The boyfriend is in AC until tomorrow. Be still my beating heart.  

Plan? There Aint No Plan?

Remember that from Road Warrior? Here I am careening down the tracks as fast as I can with no idea where I'm going or what I'm doing. But my foot is on the gas and I'm looking straight ahead. What next?

So after my morning text message exchange with Coleen yesterday I didn't hear from her again. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much. Coleen is trying to fix her relationship and not trying to give up on it so all I can be at this point is a distraction. It was a mistake to go have a meal with them. Now if Coleen discusses going somewhere for dinner I won't know if it's to join her for dinner or them for dinner. The best thing is to just not do it.

I finally heard from Lisa yesterday. She sent me a text message to my phone. She is going away for a weekend and wanted me to look in on her cats. Of course I said yes even though it's almost an hour's drive each way. I don't have a key to get into her house so she will need to take care of the before she goes.

I also had dinner at a restaurant with Maryliz, Kenny and Charlie. That would be my sister and her husband and son. Charlie now calls himself an only child now that his 2 older siblings are away at college. It was an uneventful meal but it was nice to get out.

Today is Friday.... my night for going to the bar. My one chance to see Coleen. Not sure if anyone is planning to be there. I know Janet is going to be late if she is even there. Roberta is barely 50/50 to go. Jami is always there. Seems like I always end up seeing Jami more than anyone. Maybe I shouldn't go for a change. Not that likely.

As I Get Closer The Farther Things Get

After spending the day yesterday wondering what I'd missed just before leaving the office I received a text message on my cell phone from Coleen asking if I was working in NYC today or at home. Since I was in the office I called her and we spoke as I walked to the train station. Wednesday is her short day and she had been off since 2. Mark was supposed to meet her somewhere and he was 2 hours late. She was sipping some wine and I told her to take it easy on that. I didn't get all the details but Coleen and Mark seem like they are still together, but just barely. How I fit into that I don't know.

Coleen said that they had planned dinner but she was unsure. I said I would be home by 6 and she could call me. She said she would try but if she couldn't we would talk tomorrow. Never heard from her. Obviously Mark finally showed up.

So I'm in her head enough that she calls me just to talk. Logic tells me she just needed to feel wanted at a moment when Mark wasn't there. And I filled the bill. So for a moment there I felt like I had her right in my hands but then she just slipped away.

So this morning I was reading some of my earlier entries to see where my head was at just a few months ago. I pretty much see that there was something there from her immediately. That it isn't just me. All the times I've ever found myself in a relationship they always seemed to have a spark right away and there isn't a lot of stops and starts like this. That's what is making me a little pessimistic today.

So this morning I sent a text message to her. Nothing scary, just a good morning. She responded. She was just starting work. I was tempted to send a response but decided I would just let it simmer. I know she works starting at 8:30 and it was close to 9 so she must have been late. I wonder why.

New Day of Stupid Thoughts

I hate to second guess myself but I can't help but wonder what was the final result last night. I wonder if I missed some drama and if so would I have been better off to be there to help pick up the pieces?

My little voice says the best thing was to not get involved and go about my business unless I am asked. Since my phone never rang I'm a little in the dark now. But I keep nagging at myself that if a golden opportunity arises shouldn't I jump at it? Still, Coleen is making long term plans with Mark so she wouldn't just let that go at the snap of the moment.

There were a lot of other friends there so I can understand how she wouldn't need to reach out to me. So I'll have to be content with the off chance I'll see Coleen on Friday and then I need to wait to see if she will bring it up. I'm in shock that they can't plan a vacation together. Maybe all the people are right who say that as a couple their future seems bleak.

My twisted little mind sees her talking about vacations and me unable to stop talking about taking her on a boat vacation. That would be way too big a step and not a good idea. But I have to admit it is my greatest fantasy. Having a girl to share the boat with is what I've always wanted.

Extra

My roller coaster ride continues. I'm back from my meeting. As planned prior to the meeting I stopped at the bar hoping to see Coleen. And she was there. She looked good having come from work wearing a below the knee dress. She would cross her legs that would reveal her thighs. At first I felt pressure to make smart small talk and didn't seem to be doing well. Coleen looked distracted and I soon found out she was planning to meet Mark for dinner there. That clinched my plan to go to my meeting. Mark came in and I gave him a nice hello with my best poker face. I then left them to their small talk. There were others there to talk to so I would only hear bits and pieces about what was going on. In a brief aside Coleen said just to me that she was upset because she wants a vacation and Mark wouldn't commit to anything. From what I overheard Mark can't take any time off of work and told Coleen to go away somewhere with out him. It was already 10 minutes past the time I needed to leave and put my coat on and just as I was about to say good night I heard Coleen say "this is the end for me". With that I was out the door. As I was driving I was thinking "were they breaking up?" She didn't seem emotional enough to be in a serious argument. But it seems like something was going on but I'd already put my coat on and if I had stayed it may have really added to the tension.

So my meeting was uneventful..I half expected for my phone to ring but you know what... if she did break up I'm the last person who needs to console her. I'd much rather hear about it after a day or two when she is really ready to move on. .