Many options but few choices

Good morning. It's another Friday. The beginning of another weekend. And another month. June is finally here.
It is Carolyn's birthday today. She is 50. I texted her this morning and her response was that she is officially old. I want to give her a reason to celebrate but how can I do that when she reacts like that. I'll have to wait and see. Right now I'm thinking she just wants to be left alone.
Last night I got home and made myself dinner and not much else. I thought I might be helping Lisa get the rest of the painting done at her house. She never called me and I peaked out the window and saw Carmine's car parked. I figured if her was helping her and she wasn't calling me I should just stay home. I didn't want to be the second rooster in the hen house. Turned out to be a good thing as she did eventually call me after Carmine had left. Turns out she had new Mark there with Carmine. I am left wondering if that was tense. The new guy and the old guy both there at the same time. While I doubt Lisa planned it I've seen her make the most of those kind of situations. I was glad to have not been there.
I did go there and helped her take the garbage out to the dumpster. She seems to be about done. Yet she won't move for at least another week and maybe 2 weeks. She will still be doing stuff so we will see.
With that I am not sure what to expect. I may get Carolyn to go out for her birthday. Or I may just help Lisa with whatever she may do. Or I may just do something like what I did last week and see Janet. Or I could do none of them and just stay home.

SUMMER VACATION

I just put in for a week off starting June 18th. If you include the weekends I will vacation from June 16 through June 24. I don't have any real plan but I have a conversation with Lisa last night and she was planning her vacation the same week. She should have moved by then although she may put it off until then. She wants to wait until then so she can be around to help her cat transition to the new home. I also figure since no one will commit to spending vacation with me I will just take that week off and see how things develop. Worse case I will just relax and work on my tan all week.
Tomorrow is June 1. Carolyn's birthday. She will be 50. You might think she wants to celebrate but I don't think so. I sent her a message about making plans and she could only respond that she was in court. Another message has gone unanswered. It's up to her for now. I'm not making a big deal of it.
I've been going to Lisa's new home the last 2 nights and helping her with whatever she needs. She briefly touched on having a housewarming party but stopped short on who to invite and then said "I have no other friends except for you, Mike". What is that about? Is that part of the fallout from ending an engagement? I'm sure she exaggerates but I am hard pressed to think of who she spends her time with outside of C and myself.
Where am I going with this? I wish I knew. It feels validating but it isn't really getting me anything. I am in this place I don't want to be. I'm not going to dwell on it.

Memories of Memorial Day

As typical for me I either had multiple opportunities or none. Things started on Friday. Lisa was finally in her new place right near my house, but I also heard from Janet who wanted me to come out and share dinner with her. I wasn't sure what Lisa wants so I went for dinner with Janet after stopping in to see Lisa. She was prepping for the paint she was going to do on Saturday. I was very conflicted but I also figured she would have her sister for company and also she had told me she was having someone from work who would help.
I was feeling that a lot the entire weekend. I wasn't sure about anything. What I really wanted from Lisa was to share the experience, but I also knew she has an agenda that does not include me. I will probably expand on that later in the week.
I guess can just recap all that I did without any embellishments. Went to help Lisa on Saturday morning. I got one wall painted. Then went to pick mom up at airport. On the way back I stopped at Home Depot to buy more paint.. Helped Lisa paint the rest of her living room. Went to a neighborhood barbecue with Lisa so she could meet the neighbors. Talked to the mayor of Glen Cove. Left an exhausted Lisa laying on my couch to go see the fireworks. Lisa was too tired to go. Saw the most awesome display of fireworks ever. Got home to find Lisa had left a note. Early Sunday Lisa texted me that C was helping. She said she didn't need me to help. Went to the boat and spent morning cleaning from night before. Brought lunch to Lisa and C. Helped them a little. Took a ride with Lisa to Home Depot. Bought plants. Called it a night by 6. Monday I went to see Memorial Day Parade. Snoozed the afternoon away on the boat. Went to barbecue and saw Janet and other friends.
And that was my weekend. Just moving from one thing to another. I am like a rat in a maze. I just keep turning one corner then the next without any idea where I'm going or where I'll end up. Even this post has taken me 2 days.

New beginning or same old same old.

Here it is again. The Memorial Day Weekend has arrived. I consider this to be the best party weekend of the year. At least it is for me. The summer is about to start and we all look at the coming months with hope and optimism. Maybe this will be the summer where everything goes my way. For me, usually by July 4th I've fallen into the familiar pattern for the summer that usually means things will be the same as all the other summers. By then I've become jaded.
But let's not dwell on that. It's a three day weekend!!! My focus is on Saturday. There is a barbecue and fireworks scheduled. In past years I've hosted a picnic/bbq in the park near my boat. For me it involved starting early getting things set up and then waiting for everyone to show up, which would not occur until almost dark. I got tired of that and last year enjoyed a day out on my boat. Seemed like no one even noticed. That is until later. People showed up expect me to have reserved the space in the park only to find me entertaining people at my boat.
This year my mom is arriving from Florida on Saturday morning and she indicated she wanted to see the fireworks. I started to set something up but then my family had other ideas. First Sue and Brian were having it at their house, now my sister says she wants everyone to come there. So I'm off the hook.
Which brings me to the other big event. Lisa is closing on her co-op apartment today. I may just find myself there doing whatever I can to help her. I'm not sure what I will be able to do with all the other things going on but I will be happy to see her as my neighbor once she actually moves. She has indicated to me how much she is looking forward to us doing things we both love. We will see if that actually happens, but at the very least we can just see each other a few times a week.
I think I need to get my camera out and get some pictures into this blog. Stay tuned for that.

Love Rollercoaster

How badly have I started this day .... I don't know but I can tell you this ... somehow I managed to get dressed this morning with my underwear on backwards. So I'm in the bathroom at work, really early so it was just me, and I can't seem to find the opening so I could pee. I finally pull my pants down and I see the tag... Was I even awake this morning when I got dressed? At least I wasn't somewhere in public. I wonder if this is one of those old man things that will be hounding me for the rest of my days. I may need to lock this one in the vault and not tell anyone.
I have been so busy lately it seems I have errands to run everyday after work. Nothing huge, but I needed to go to the grocery store last night. I also have tons of dirty clothes that need to go into laundry. Maybe tonight but I also want to get some things for BBQ this weekend. I may need to hold off laundry until Saturday morning. That will be fun way to start my holiday weekend.
Last night's big event was Lisa calling me about what she needs to do for her new place. She has only 2 more days until she closes. She seems like she is still thinking about what she has lost (her engagement) and is not as excited about her future. She sent me an email and specifically mentioned that. Maybe once she has herself in her new environment she will start to feel better. 
But this needs to be about me. How would I prefer things to be? I don't want to fool myself into thinking Lisa will suddenly appear at my door and confess her love to me. If I've learned anything since I started this blog it is that I'm most likely not going to change anything. If she was even a little in love with me she would not be moving into another place, rather she would just move in to my place. There is this feeling I get that I want her. It never goes away. There has never been anyone that I could get this close to and I kind of don't want anyone else. At least until Lisa finds her next thing. I will consider other things more as a response than me actually wanting someone. I think that is how I've felt about Carolyn. Although she hasn't exactly looked to heat things up either.
I guess I will never get any movement until I get off the ride make it happen. But for now I'm still just on the ride.

Which way to go.

I am going in so many different directions I'm not sure where to start. Friday night started just like the others lately. I get home from work and I have no specific plans. I considered going to the bar but I pretty much have been staying out of there and looking for other options. I also considered staying in and having dinner at home and then going down to the marina and enjoy relaxing there. Then the phone rang and before I knew it I was having dinner with Lisa. We went for sake and sushi.
We were going to just have a nice dinner and then call it a night but I casually mentioned there was a canival going on down at the beach near the boat. Lisa said she would love to go check it out. Next thing I knew I was going on rides with Lisa with all these kids. She was loving it and I was afraid I was going to lose my dinner. I know Lisa for more than 10 years and I had no idea how much she loves these rides. I was easily the oldest one there. And getting sick was a very real problem, but I managed to survive. I want to blame the dinner, but nothing bothered Lisa.
I really enjoyed the feeling of doing these things with Lisa. I don'y want to start bonding too much with her again but it's really hard. I've totlally gotten away from anything else. I want to spend as much time with her as I can.
I know we are only going to be friends and that is the limit. I'm sure she has her own things she wants. So when she called me on Saturday from her sister's just to see how I was doing I invited myself there for dinner. Probably should not have done that. By Sunday I think she had enough Mike time. I sent her a message to see if she wanted to do something I got no response until 5 PM. She said she had left her phone on the changer so didn't know I'd texted. By then I was enjoying a glass of wine with Carolyn, of all people. I hadn't seen her in weeks and she had come down to her boat to clean. I helped her a bit but not too long. It was a nice distraction.
So like I said ... many directions.

Basic Thursday

I noticed the other day that in the ariel font the letters "r" and "n" seem to meld into an "m" and the word torn looks way too much like Tom. Maybe it's my eyes.
It finally Friday. I want that to mean something but I'm also thinking about how little I have accomplished lately. Last Friday I was hanging around the house and ended up having Lisa for company. It wasn't the perfect evening but it was way better than anything else I could have come up with. I want more but I hesitate to ask her if she'd like to plan an evening. I think last Friday was all about how nothing else came up for her so she went to me as a last resort. I am tempted to spend tonight doing laundry. It may be the better option than going out as the lone wolf or hoping for a repeat of last weekend.
Last night I was feeling especially trapped inside so after I finished cleaning up from dinner I went to the boat, which was the only place I could think of. I got there only minutes before sunset and I could feel a chill in the air by the time the sun had gone down so I wasn't there very long. There is a carnival in the park this weekend and last night was day one. It is one of those things where these truck based rides are set up with lots of light and noise. There was also a band playing old Beatle songs. I noticed Carolyn's sister Nancy leaving in her car as I was coming in but I passed by without her seeing me. It's just as well. That was as close to seeing anyone. I considered going in and seeing the band but they ended their set before I could get over there and I felt better about going home. And that was my evening. It should be easy to top.