Tons of work to do. But I need to post today. Lots going on and yet nothing going on. Because it is mostly in my head. As time goes by I feel less and less like calling Carolyn. Right now she is so absorbed in her troubles she can't really focus on anything else. I have too much I want to do other than feel bad for her. She made her own mess and I'd rather not get sucked into it. Besides, she has made it clear she is never looking at me as anything but someone to kill time with and nothing more.
With that I am feeling more and more like I am the lone warrior. I mean I can always find someone who wants to have dinner or enjoy a night out but as I feel every one of my 55 years I seem to care less and less whether it leads to anything or not. I am more content at home with my cat than anywhere else right now. I was once jealous of couples but now I kind of look at them as stuck. Maybe that is just me being jaded or rationalizing my current situation to where I can cope. But right now I feel like no one has it better then I do.
Lisa moving had me worried that I was going to get obsessive but I'm trying to check that at the door. It will be good that my closest friend is my neighbor. My suspicions that she is looking to spend time with her married co-worker are proving to be more on the money lately. That will play out and I won't get emotional about it no matter what.
As I grow older I see women my age doing things like that more and more. All the rules they have get thrown to the side whenever it is convenient. I have tried to remain true to myself. It's not keeping me very warm at night but I look in the mirror every morning and like what I see.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
TORN
I was off from work on Monday so I could attend the funeral for my sister's father-in-law. All my siblings were there so while it was a somber day it wasn't sad. We always enjoy getting together. I had hopes of getting the process completed and getting a few other things done that should have been done over the weekend. So I ran errands all afternoon. I still need to do laundry but that needs to wait.
Friday night I had no real plan so I started to make sauce from a jar for spaghetti when my phone rang. Lisa was passing by and wanted to drop by. I was fine with that. I shut off the stove and put everything away. I made us a snake and we processed to enjoy a cocktail while watching the Mets. It was deja vu from more than 5 years ago. We chatted until about 10. We also met for coffee in the morning after the gym.
I continue to enjoy what I have and make no attempt at changing things. Lisa will soon be my neighbor and we will see each other more than we have. But I need to keep other options open. Years ago when i tried to make things romantic with her she said I should hold on to those feelings and I've spent a considerable amount of energy trying not to expect anything. Because of this I rarely initiate anything we do together. But Sunday I changed that a little.
I was planning to get the boat out and it was a nice warm day. I had already gotten my friend Chris to go so it wouldn't be just us. So away we went and had one of my nicer boat days. Considering that it's not even the middle of May it is one of my earliest starts. I wonder if that means I can finally have the boating season I've always wanted?
Which brings me to last year. I got to spend a lot of time with Carolyn last year and that was great. But we seem to have a distance between us now that I'm pretty sure I'm more responsible for than she is. Thing is it feels to me she liked the status quo and I am starting to feel like I want something more. I wanted to make things romantic and she pushed me away. And I was pretty straight forward about it. She hasn't called me except when she needs something. But perhaps I'm doing that. I have spent time with Lisa and have told Carolyn about what I do so maybe she figured I'm not as available as I might be.
I'm not thinking I've blown anything but there is for sure a communication blockage right now. I still like to see Carolyn but it feels like she is not wanting me around. Maybe I should call her tonight. Stay tuned.
Friday night I had no real plan so I started to make sauce from a jar for spaghetti when my phone rang. Lisa was passing by and wanted to drop by. I was fine with that. I shut off the stove and put everything away. I made us a snake and we processed to enjoy a cocktail while watching the Mets. It was deja vu from more than 5 years ago. We chatted until about 10. We also met for coffee in the morning after the gym.
I continue to enjoy what I have and make no attempt at changing things. Lisa will soon be my neighbor and we will see each other more than we have. But I need to keep other options open. Years ago when i tried to make things romantic with her she said I should hold on to those feelings and I've spent a considerable amount of energy trying not to expect anything. Because of this I rarely initiate anything we do together. But Sunday I changed that a little.
I was planning to get the boat out and it was a nice warm day. I had already gotten my friend Chris to go so it wouldn't be just us. So away we went and had one of my nicer boat days. Considering that it's not even the middle of May it is one of my earliest starts. I wonder if that means I can finally have the boating season I've always wanted?
Which brings me to last year. I got to spend a lot of time with Carolyn last year and that was great. But we seem to have a distance between us now that I'm pretty sure I'm more responsible for than she is. Thing is it feels to me she liked the status quo and I am starting to feel like I want something more. I wanted to make things romantic and she pushed me away. And I was pretty straight forward about it. She hasn't called me except when she needs something. But perhaps I'm doing that. I have spent time with Lisa and have told Carolyn about what I do so maybe she figured I'm not as available as I might be.
I'm not thinking I've blown anything but there is for sure a communication blockage right now. I still like to see Carolyn but it feels like she is not wanting me around. Maybe I should call her tonight. Stay tuned.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Forever Young
It appears I've completely lost all interested readers. I have zero views on my last post so I guess I really am just doing this for me.
The only news I have is that my sister's father-in-law passed away earlier this week. He was 93 so it's not as if he was so young. But it was sudden and he wasn't sick so it is a bit of a shock for them. The funeral is Monday so I'm taking a day off from the office to attend.
Howie (short for Howard) loved sailing, just like my dad and he was part of the crew my dad organized to sail to Bermuda in 1986. I was also a part of that. I got to know him fairly well during that trip. There is a picture of us at the end of that rip on the wall in my house. Of the 6 men in the picture I think only my brother Barry and I are still breathing.
I don't know what the to expect this weekend. No real plans are being made. Sunday is mother's day but since my mom is in Florida there will only be a phone call then the rest of the day will be free to do what ever I want.
The only news I have is that my sister's father-in-law passed away earlier this week. He was 93 so it's not as if he was so young. But it was sudden and he wasn't sick so it is a bit of a shock for them. The funeral is Monday so I'm taking a day off from the office to attend.
Howie (short for Howard) loved sailing, just like my dad and he was part of the crew my dad organized to sail to Bermuda in 1986. I was also a part of that. I got to know him fairly well during that trip. There is a picture of us at the end of that rip on the wall in my house. Of the 6 men in the picture I think only my brother Barry and I are still breathing.
I don't know what the to expect this weekend. No real plans are being made. Sunday is mother's day but since my mom is in Florida there will only be a phone call then the rest of the day will be free to do what ever I want.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Lost and Found
I received my tax refund from both the Fed and NYS. I made my deposit via ATM, because I wanted the paper check. I didn't want to give the Gov direct access to my account. I'm still a little "old school". So as I'd finished that and I headed to the office early this morning and I saw a piece of paper laying on the sidewalk that caught my eye. I almost walked past it. I picked it up and saw it was a check. Uncashed and unendorsed. The amount was more than $2000. Who drops something like that? Well the name was a woman. It looked like it was a draw from a retirement account so I am sure it is needed. I spent more than a little time trying to return it. There is an address I can send it to and that looks to be the only method although I did a name search for an email or phone number. The Internet is so secure now that getting some one's contact information without paying some search company is near to impossible.
So I'll stop the the Post Office and get a stamp and put it in an envelope and mail it. I was curious who could be so wealthy that they could toss aside a check to that much money and not be running up and down 8th Avenue screaming. I guess since it is a bank check it theoretically can't be cashed and a new one can be cut. But I imagine that must be quite a hassle.
Not a lot of other activity to speak of. I did place a call down to mom in Florida. I hadn't spoken to her in a while so I was anxious to hear how she was. She told me she would be here in NY for Memorial Day weekend. So I am now considering having a family gathering on that Saturday. I've had them before but the last time I did that it was more work than it was worth. I felt as if no one really cared weather or not they came. I was at the picnic area early so we would have a good spot and no one would show up until 4 hours later. Last year I just had people at the boat. Maybe this year I'll do it up again.
So I'll stop the the Post Office and get a stamp and put it in an envelope and mail it. I was curious who could be so wealthy that they could toss aside a check to that much money and not be running up and down 8th Avenue screaming. I guess since it is a bank check it theoretically can't be cashed and a new one can be cut. But I imagine that must be quite a hassle.
Not a lot of other activity to speak of. I did place a call down to mom in Florida. I hadn't spoken to her in a while so I was anxious to hear how she was. She told me she would be here in NY for Memorial Day weekend. So I am now considering having a family gathering on that Saturday. I've had them before but the last time I did that it was more work than it was worth. I felt as if no one really cared weather or not they came. I was at the picnic area early so we would have a good spot and no one would show up until 4 hours later. Last year I just had people at the boat. Maybe this year I'll do it up again.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Yuck - It's Monday already
I am 15 minutes from a meeting. I really want to add something but this will need to be very short.
I took Lisa and her sister to dinner on Friday and then Lisa and I went to see the Mets on Saturday. It was a good weekend for me. Lisa expect to close on her new co-op apartment in about 10 days. The more I think about it the more I am realizing how great it will be to have her as a neighbor. We will both own so it's like a life time friendship now. Neither one of us will be going anywhere anytime soon. I am very pleased about that even though it probably makes anything more than that pretty much impossible.
I did manage a phone call to Carolyn. She was scheduled to have her boat put into the water on Saturday and I though if she needed help I should let her know. Turns out there is a delay and it will be rescheduled. I guess what will happen is I will just show up one day and it'll just be there. We have no plans to see each other.
I did the gym on Saturday and Sunday. It wore me out a bit. I was having trouble moving off the couch on Sunday afternoon. The price I pay for skipping most of the last 2 weeks. I want to say I will go again on Tuesday but Wednesday is more likely.
I am getting ready for my meeting. Yuck. Meeting on a Monday... who wants that.
I took Lisa and her sister to dinner on Friday and then Lisa and I went to see the Mets on Saturday. It was a good weekend for me. Lisa expect to close on her new co-op apartment in about 10 days. The more I think about it the more I am realizing how great it will be to have her as a neighbor. We will both own so it's like a life time friendship now. Neither one of us will be going anywhere anytime soon. I am very pleased about that even though it probably makes anything more than that pretty much impossible.
I did manage a phone call to Carolyn. She was scheduled to have her boat put into the water on Saturday and I though if she needed help I should let her know. Turns out there is a delay and it will be rescheduled. I guess what will happen is I will just show up one day and it'll just be there. We have no plans to see each other.
I did the gym on Saturday and Sunday. It wore me out a bit. I was having trouble moving off the couch on Sunday afternoon. The price I pay for skipping most of the last 2 weeks. I want to say I will go again on Tuesday but Wednesday is more likely.
I am getting ready for my meeting. Yuck. Meeting on a Monday... who wants that.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Good week so far.
Some times I think I want to start making things up just so that I can make life more interesting and then increase the number of readers I may have. I would do it but then I'd have trouble remembering truth from fiction and if I get nothing else out of this at least I can maintain a level of sincerity even if it's more than a little uninteresting.
Yesterday Lisa went to see the co-op board. It appears she will be my neighbor in the very near future. After the meeting she stopped by to tell me how it went. She looked great as she was dressed to the nines to give the best impression. At the very least I was impressed. As things are lining up she has a huge work event on Thursday that has taken almost all of her attention for the last few weeks. With the completion of that she will shift gears into closing and moving. She said to me how good she feels that she can manage all these things and seem as if they all can work out. She said she has surprised herself. I told her I've always felt she was a mover and a shaker, but it was been quite a busy few months. I told her when she finally has some down time she may need a little R & R.
Not long after Lisa left I got a knock on the door from my neighbor Esther who could wait to give me her news. She was re-hired back to the civil service job that she liked so much. I must say it has been a good week for most everyone. It is only Wednesday.
Yesterday Lisa went to see the co-op board. It appears she will be my neighbor in the very near future. After the meeting she stopped by to tell me how it went. She looked great as she was dressed to the nines to give the best impression. At the very least I was impressed. As things are lining up she has a huge work event on Thursday that has taken almost all of her attention for the last few weeks. With the completion of that she will shift gears into closing and moving. She said to me how good she feels that she can manage all these things and seem as if they all can work out. She said she has surprised herself. I told her I've always felt she was a mover and a shaker, but it was been quite a busy few months. I told her when she finally has some down time she may need a little R & R.
Not long after Lisa left I got a knock on the door from my neighbor Esther who could wait to give me her news. She was re-hired back to the civil service job that she liked so much. I must say it has been a good week for most everyone. It is only Wednesday.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Looking forward to the month of May.
I am enjoying a day of working from home today. In addition to getting my work done I am getting some of my laundry done and hopefully I can get the things from winter stored away and get the summer stuff out. I guess that's all I need to say about that.
Last weekend was another in a long line of every other weekend, I spent Friday night out to dinner with Carolyn listening to how messed up her life is and me trying to say I can help but not committing to anything. I finally made a case for myself and came up empty, but then there is Carolyn talking about planning a summer trip together. Very mixed messages. Anyone with any self-respect at all would just take off and never look back.
Good news. Yesterday I heard from Lisa and her move to my co-op is back on. I pretty much figured that since no one would benefit if she was turned down for a mortgage based on the insurance documentation that the maintenance company needed to supply. She has a meeting with the co-op board tonight and then from there she should have a closing date within a week or so.
My days now consist on work and tv and I alway hold out hope that once the weather warms there will be more fun and adventure. It's May 1. This has always been my most optimistic month. I am already planning my Memorial Day weekend. I look forward to seeing a Met game with Lisa this Saturday. And it is Cinco de Mayo. I don't know what that will bring but it is something to look forward to.
Last weekend was another in a long line of every other weekend, I spent Friday night out to dinner with Carolyn listening to how messed up her life is and me trying to say I can help but not committing to anything. I finally made a case for myself and came up empty, but then there is Carolyn talking about planning a summer trip together. Very mixed messages. Anyone with any self-respect at all would just take off and never look back.
Good news. Yesterday I heard from Lisa and her move to my co-op is back on. I pretty much figured that since no one would benefit if she was turned down for a mortgage based on the insurance documentation that the maintenance company needed to supply. She has a meeting with the co-op board tonight and then from there she should have a closing date within a week or so.
My days now consist on work and tv and I alway hold out hope that once the weather warms there will be more fun and adventure. It's May 1. This has always been my most optimistic month. I am already planning my Memorial Day weekend. I look forward to seeing a Met game with Lisa this Saturday. And it is Cinco de Mayo. I don't know what that will bring but it is something to look forward to.
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