So little going on

With not much happening today I thought I might look back at the first house I knew growing up. This is one of the original Levitt houses built around 1950. This is pretty much as it was the day we moved in. Not that I could remember ... I was all of 1 at the time. It was a good place to grow up... lots of other kids on the street. We got in our share of trouble though so it was a good thing mom and dad got us out of there before we were in our teens.

Today I am home working. At least trying to. Haven't accomplished much. My sister just called me to invite me to dinner. Eating with family will be a nice change. A pork roast - yum. What elase to say. Maybe tomorrow or maybe later today. Sorry I don't have a better blog. At least I don't have any drama to deal with.

Oh... almost forgot... speaking of drama, Lisa's sister Ellen has her husband in the hospital Saturday. His symtoms included chest pain although they are saying it's not a heart attack. Lots of stress coming from there. Ellen has been having an affair and Frank (her husband) knows about it and while she says she has broken it off she hasn't. So Lisa is upset. Her problem since I never see her anymore. I'm more concerned with how Coleen's biopsey is.

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Here I Sit - Sunday morning

My weekend is pretty much done even though I still have all day today. We pretty much got rain from Friday to all day Saturday. And not just a little rain either. But big rain all day. It was annoying but really had no impact with how I went about my day.

Friday night I went down to the bar and saw Coleen and Jami there. Jami is always there. I go in and see Jami and say hello and then I see Coleen. She isn't wearing the usual jeans and a flannel shirt. Today it's a pink top and a short black skirt. Really short. And tight. With black boots and sheer black stockings. Damn... I wasn't ready for this. She looked good. It was hard not to drool.

Of course she wasn't staying long. She was going to see her boyfriend Mark. It was the best hour and a half of my weekend. She keeps doing this thing where she will talk to me and stand just a little closer than someone would expect. It's never in a time and place where I can make any kind of move but if body language means anything I feel more is there. Just not now.

So I left the bar a little while after Coleen left and went to see Janet at our favorite Italian restaurant. We hung out and did our usual chit-chat about stuff. No romance there. I just like being out with Janet. We actually made some plans for Saturday that never became reality. We also made a trip back to the bar and I still haven't eaten. Yes... wine and no food.. I was done in a bout 5 minutes and headed home. It was only 10 o'clock. I got home and went right to sleep.

Saturday it rained so I was home all day. At 3 o'clock I got a call to meet at the bar. We would do happy hour and then call it a night early. I was fine with that. After going out Thursday and Friday nights I needed an early night. So I got to the bar at about 4:30 and at first saw the usual crowd there. Janet, Judy, Roberta, Jami were the girls. Then I noticed Coleen's Mark was there. I realized she was in the bathroom so she was there too. I had some money so I went to the jukebox to play some music. I'm starting to learn that when ever I do that Coleen will always come and help me pick songs. It's my best opportunity to have one-on-one conversation. And she does! Shee was telling me about her day when she kind of dropped a bomb on me. She had gone to her doctor and had a biopsy done. There may be a problem. I won't go into details but she really looked nervous. I was caught off guard and we did say it's just a test and she is probably fine. But then I said that bout my dad. So this bears watching.

She and Mark left soon after. When there were gone someone initiated a conversation about how she and Mark just seem like they aren't in sync. Of course i eat that up but I kept quiet. If sonething happens it shouldn't be because of me.

So that was how the night pretty much ended. I was home at 8 o'clock and watched the movie Grindhouse on cable. Good movie but you had to stay with it until the end for the payoff. Typical Tarantino movie.

Hello - another ding dang day

Went with Lisa and Carmine last night for dinner and to hear music. Mariana and her husband John came too. It was a good time. Made me think back to the days when I first starting hanging out at the NS Cafe with Janet. I really love hearing music live. Mike and Greg were awesome. We could only stay until about 10:30 because we all had work in the morning.

Although dinner with Lisa and Carmine was fine I feel a little odd seeing them together. Carmine is nice enough but he never talks. All the conversation at dinner was me and Lisa. I would try to bring Carmine into the conversation but he would just be passive and quiet to the point of making me very uncomfortable. I can't tell if I feel this way out of jealousy or I just find Carmine to be just weird. This is confirmed by an email I got this morning from Mariana.....here it is;

It was nice seeing Lisa, she seems happy. Carmine is a very quiet guy. I don't think he actually said a word, just a lot of nodding. Are they dating long?

So there it is... it's not just me. I'll be curious to see if Lisa sees it eventually. Right now she seems happy and I should be her friend and let her be. She has already said to me that Carmine has a way of shutting down, whatever that means. So perhaps he isn't always so quiet and will become more outgoing over time. I may not be around much if he isn't.

I called Coleen yesterday after she sent me a text message. I'll be at the bar for happy hour and see her there. It was kind of an odd conversation as she was at Mark's house at the time and I'm sure he knew she was talking to me. Maybe I didn't need to call her but it seemed fine. I guess I'm not considered a threat to their bond. I will see her only a short time then she will go make Mark his dinner. I feel pretty silly even wanting something to happen with her. She once again brought up going to dinner at an Indian Restaurant. It's something that I don't even want to do anymore.

The week is dragging.

It's Thursday morning. I've been dealing with so many boring things I'm almost ready to give myself a lobodomy. Tuesday I went to a town hall meeting and actually represented my organization by voicing my concern over an issue. I did fairly well although I was nervous as hell. The fight or flight kicked in as fear we all I could think about. Lucky I had made a few notes so I concentrated on making my point and then moved on. I'm told I did fine.

This inspired me to take some action as far as getting our spring meeting scheduled and also move forward with some other things. I made about a dozen phone calls last night trying to reach members. So at least I made the attempt at being competent.

Tuesday I was on my way home on the train and I was feeling very chatty for some reason. I sent a text message to Coleen from my cell phone. She was out at the bar. She sent me a message :"How was your dad". I thought I must have told her about my dad being sick so I told her about his chemo. Turns out she meant to say "How was your day.?"  Only one letter different but a completely different question. So at first she thought I was getting chemo. I had to call her and explain. I'm starting to understand now just why it is I should run away and run away fast.

I did get an email from Janet this morning about making plans for a dinner with friends on April 5th. So I asked her to go out to hear some music tonight but she can't go. So I'll be going with Lisa and Carmine. So it will be a late night tonight.

Dinner with Lisa

Last night's dinner went as about as expected. Lisa came over a little later than I'd hoped and left a little early too. But for the 2 hours she was there it was life had returned to my house. She got there at a little before 7 p.m. and I was just about ready to serve dinner. We had wine and I finally gave her her birthday gift. It was the new Sarah Bareilles CD. It made her happy.

I noticed she had jewelry on her ring finger, but on her right hand. I took a closer look and realized it was an engagement ring. I immediately said "what's that... are you engaged?" She said no... that the the ring was her late sister's. But then she kind of rolled her eyes and said "I wish". So I fully expect that to be the next bomb to drop although Carmine at 50 something my be hesitant to get engaged. I reminded Lisa that she should be patient and even though they know each other for 15 years they only really became a couple a few months ago. Why am I the one who has to say this?

We talked about me and how I saw Coleen with her boyfriend on Sunday and also how I feel I have a "situation" with Jami. I could tell Lisa sees me as kind of lost as she couldn't give me much insight other than to proceed as I have been. It would be really bad if I caved in and had a fling just to have one, with someone who was within such a close circle of friends. And as far as Coleen goes... unless she suddenly threw herself at me I am just going to enjoy knowing her and maintain my distance.

There is a live music show near where Lisa lives on Thursday snd I asked her to go. So I think we will have dinner and then out on Thursday. Probably Carmine will come too. I need to get used to him being a big part of Lisa's world. Once again I will be the gracious loser and extend whatever olive branch I can muster. I actually was told about the music by Janet who I would have really liked to join me but she says she has plans. She also thinks it's too far away. She doesn't know what she is missing.

All about the weekend

Sunday I broke down and sent a text message to Coleen and told her I'd go up to the bar for a little while in the afternoon. I got there at 4 p.m. and no one was there so I got a beer and sat back and watched the Isles get beat. Before I even had 2 sips Coleen and Mark come rolling in. They grab 2 seats about half was down the end of the bar. So I go over and say hello and wish Coleen a happy birthday ... it was the day before. I said hello to Mark who barely shook my hand. I guess he sees me for who I am ... wishing I could steal his girlfriend. But I am the gracious loser and head back to my end of the bar. But I kept getting caught checking her out or maybe I kept catching her checking me out. We did have a few brief conversations but she was pretty much bouncing around talking to everyone she knows. She is very outgoing which is probably why I feel such and attraction. I keep telling myself not to look at her in a romantic way but it's really hard because she likes to touch me. Nothing sexual, but a hand on the shoulder or a hug that lasts just a little longer than I would expect. And we keep talking about going out for Indian food because we both love it and no one else really will go. She said we can just both go. Like a dream come true. Somehow I think that will never happen.

I didn't talk to Lisa all weekend and first thing this morning she sends me an IM. I realized that I hadn't really sat down with her in about a month. I still have her birthday present for her too. So I asked her to come to dinner tonight. I have a nice dinner that I can make. Of course the house is kind of a mess though. Lucky it's Lisa who I've never needed to try and impress even though I want to.

So there we are .... My life and where I'm at. Pretty much just running on ice.

Good time weekend

I have been going non-stop since I left work on Friday. This is my first chance to sit down and write. Just before leaving the office on Friday I received a call from Mike asking if I would join him Saturday to watch the Rangers hockey practice followed by a lunch where we would meet the players. That was fun but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Friday night I went to a bar crawl in Sea Cliff. I'll attach some pictures soon. There are only 4 places there so it wasn't anything huge. It was however very popular. They had 200 tickets and it sold out. It was fun. I saw quite a few people I recognized although not anyone I knew. It got crowded in some places which we are not used to. Janet and Roberta were drinking wine and they were done early. I ended the night having a drink at the bar with Jami. Again. I'm struggling with the fact I keep ending up with Jami who keeps offering to have me sleep on her couch rather than drive home. Anyone else and I'd be there. But I just can't.

Then I got up early and spent Saturday with Mike from the office watching the Rangers. I'm a Islander fan so I really wasn't as into it as Mike was but it was fun. We were sitting having lunch and this guy  introduced himself as Nigel and sat down to eat with us. I didn't even realize he was one of the players until I looked at a picture on the table. We had good conversation.

It was also good to hang with Mike. We used to talk every day and share lunch, but over the years we haven't really been able to hang out any more. Afterwards I saw his wife Gina and I sat for 30 minutes or so and had a nice conversation. It was great to renew friendships. I hope maybe we can do something like that again.

So while we were on our way back I got a call on the cell from Janet. I had wanted to have dinner with her so it worked out perfect. We agreed to have dinner at Stango's... a place we haven't gone to in months. I went there without even going home. We walked into Stango's and behind the bar is Erin, my cousin's daughter. She has worked there as a fill in bartender from time to time. She is like her mom, very pretty and outgoing. So rather than get a table we sat at the bar. It was fun and Janet and I drank a ton of wine. My cousins Bernadette, Patty Anne and Peter all cam in too. So I was having a good time bouncing around from one conversation to another.

After Stango's we stopped at the Bar and had a nightcap. Then I drove her home where she got right out of the car and went in. I was glad to be going home... even though it was late. So I did do everything I'd planned ... but no romance which is no shock. In fact Janet struck up quite a conversation with my cousin Peter. I wonder what could happen there. Not even a twinge of jealousy.

Things I didn't do ... See Coleen on her birthday. Talk to Lisa. Very unusual but not a big surprise. Both are involved with their boyfriends so I am so much better off not thinking about them. But I still do. Less and less though.

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